I am not a big anniversary person, but this day came much faster than I expected. I have lived one whole year without my precious Doodah. I decided instead of rambling through memories and stories, I would post what my Mom said at her funeral. I still am amazed at how well she did in speaking that day. So, here it is for those who missed it, or want to hear it a second time. God is so good and I was so blessed to have her for as long as I did!
MOM:
First, on behalf of my sister and I and all of our family, what an honor you have given my mother by being here today. Doodah has gone to funerals like it was her job, for as long as I can remember. She told us more than once, “Well if you don’t go to theirs – no one will come to yours.” We always thought that was hilarious, because those people couldn’t be here anyway, for obvious reasons! But --- she is loving this moment, her family, her friends, her church – A tent!! She is smiling so big right now – WOW!! Thank you for honoring her and our family in this way!
I told Mom over two years ago, in one of those moments when we would discuss this day, that for all that she has done and been to Nancy and I and our families that the least that I could do is to speak about Mom when this amazing day came. I have rethought that bold statement several times lately (as has Nancy and countless others who are worried about me) But here I am …
I know that there is not a whole lot I could say about my mother that all of you don’t already know and trying to encapsulate mom into a five-minute talk seems rather trivial. I sat down and listed all the words that describe my mom, and the paper was filled with words like selfless, gentle, strong, patient, smart, classy, and the list could go on and on, but the one word that makes my mom so special is that she was RELATIONAL. I know that sounds like a word out of a self help book, but it truly made Mother, Doodah, Dot, Dorothy Gail – whatever YOU called her – who she was!! She loved to be RELATED to people, events, places, and most of all her family. She really got what Jesus has tried to teach all of us, that relationships mean love, if you have relationships in your life you don’t have to be wealthy in a material sense, you have wealth beyond words.
Her childhood relationships have carried her through her hardest times in her life; some of you might call these memories. Mother saw them as “life giving moments!! She loved being related to her mom and dad, her brother and sister, her aunts, uncle and mostly her Grandmother. These relations molded her into the gentle, but strong person she was she knew she was loved, adored and special! Those relationships have been her model for all of her other relationships in her life and she never diminished their importance to her.
She loved being related to East Lake Methodist Church and to Woodlawn High school, to their family’s closest friends as she was growing up. Those friends have been the framework that carried her through her life and now, two of those people have helped Nancy and I care for Mother in these last few weeks and countless childhood friends have called regularly to lift her spirits and share their memories together. Those were so life giving to her!
Mother loved to run into those “Old friends” and more than once embarrassed us by accosting someone that she has known, sure that they would want to be enlightened on who she was and how they know each other. While we were ducking behind a display rack, Mother was regaling who she was, who they were and how they totally knew each other! I am sure that even if the person could never place who mother was or where they knew each other from her energy and enthusiasm and the twinkle in her eyes made them want to affirm that RELATIONSHIP anyway. Which only fanned the flame of doing that again the next time she thought she recognized someone!
She loved being related to friends and she called anyone she met a FRIEND, and they quickly called “Doodah” their friend. That is why you all are here – once you met Doodah you were never just “knew who she was,” you felt drawn to spend time with her! She just made you feel great and she cared about you and your life, she wanted to be a part of you!! And you were then on the “possible accosting” list from that moment on! She would know and remember you forever no matter how brief your encounter! That is why mother has so many friends; every relationship had meaning to her and made her life so rich!
Finally, Mother loved being related to her family. Her son-in-laws were very special to her; I think there were definitely times when Nancy and I felt we were definitely second fiddle to them. They could do no wrong in her eyes and she was really quick to say how much she loved them and how wonderful they were; more than once we have suggested that maybe she should just like live with one of them and leave us out! If she thought they were so great, and in the end she did just that! They loved and cared for mother as much as we did!
She loved being related to her grandchildren. We spent some time talking last night and Trey said; “You know it is hard to put into words what made Doodah so different. She wasn’t a grandmother, or a granny, or a maw maw… she was a Doodah. She took them on trips, she played cards and rummy cubes all night if they wanted – and I mean ALL NIGHT. She taught them early how to make her “Bourbon and Waters,” she let them say an occasional “bad word” without comment, and she certainly wasn’t afraid to say a few herself!! These things weren’t necessarily good for the children, but they were good for her relationship with them. She broke down the walls of an old lady to her grandchildren; they were allowed to be friends because she empowered them to do this! She let them talk about anything they wanted and there wasn’t a question they couldn’t ask her! She taught them the manners and graces that get you through life as an exceptional person. They have been blessed beyond measure by their relationship with her and that is certainly what makes all of this so hard, but it is better to have loved her so much for this little while than to never have had that relationship at all!
Finally, she loved her girls. Nancy and I are the luckiest daughters on the face of this earth! To be blessed to grow up with a mom like her surpasses any thing I can say, she molded and guided us with a gift very few people have. We don’t know of a stronger woman with a gentler spirit. She carried herself through hurts, disappointments, and painful times with the grace, spirit and strength that only God can give. And she expects us to do that now!! She was always ready to laugh and thought everything we said was hilarious! She allowed us to be who ever we wanted to be. They say that to die of a long illness does allow you time to share with your loved ones what they mean to you, we didn’t need this illness to make that happen, we have done it forever. We are our own mutual admiration society. Our “girl’s nights and girl’s trips” have given us laughter and memories to carry us forever. She made sure that we knew how important relationships are and she made sure we knew ours with her and she with us was her most important. We often talked about how lucky we are to have each other and our relationship. We longed for our times together and sought them often! Even in these last days we treasured our chats and time and our laughter gave us strength for another day! And she is laughing and smiling even now!
In closing, our vision of mom right now is that she is having the time of her life! She doesn’t have to accost anyone, they have seen her coming and they have gone out to meet her! She hasn’t had to remind anyone who she is or how they are related! Our sadness is that we are not getting to see how much fun she is having but it makes us smile just thinking about it!!!
